UNITE TO FACE ADDICTION

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5iD23U4hWg

My names is Junann Smith Amaral and I AM an addict's mom!

I am proud to be part of this movement which I think is an integral part of our History and bringing awareness!

In the last several weeks I have been called to tell my story and answer questions about my son's addiction different times to parents who were in 3 different places in their journey.  It is hard to talk about sometimes, because it takes me back to some very dark places, but at the same time I hope I was able to offer HOPE!

The hardest part of talking about it - is talking to a parent who continues to be in denial.
First thing is for the parent to understand an addict is someone who abuses a controlled substance (drugs, alcohol, etc.).  I've heard people say I would rather my son or daughter drink than put a needle in their arm! What a myth that is!  Ask someone who buried a loved one due to alcoholism what they would rather see!  Seriously?  An ADDICT is an ADDICT no matter how they abuse their bodies and both can lead to DEATH, HOMELESSNESS, HELPLESSNESS, INCARCERATION, ETC! 

I feel deep empathy toward parents just beginning the terrible journey of their child’s drug addiction — and those facing the turmoil of a next step: rehab, jail, removing the addict from the family home. These wounds, the wounds of tough love stay open a very long time.  I learned a lot of lessons in my journey but like the parent who lives in denial, I too "denied" in the beginning.  It didn’t matter who was telling me the truth, I knew better, after all he was MY son. I learned to accept the truth and acceptance makes it easier to deal with the heartache and makes you become more effective helpers for your "addict."

Let's face it - Parents Are Enablers!  We love our sons and daughters. We would do anything to remove the pain, take away the addiction, smooth the road. I would give my life if it would help and at one point I almost lost my life. I prayed this would be my son's bottom and I told GOD he could take me in exchange for the LIFE of my son!  My thought process in those moments were this........Here's the analogy:  He is standing on the railroad tracks and a train (drugs) is blasting down the tracks and blaring its horn but he hears nothing. I tell him it is my job to knock him out of the way and take the hit, that’s what mom's do. I understand now, I was wrong. All that would do would leave me dead on the tracks and he would be standing on another set of tracks the next day waiting for the same train (drugs). 

I raised my children the best way I knew how. At some point he made decisions that set him down this path. I could only support him and provide him opportunities to make another decision. This is a hard one. That is why at times sponsors, recovering addicts, police officers, probation officers, corrections officers, pastors, counselors can all do a better job than we can in showing our addict the correct path. That is difficult because no one loves our addict like we do but we cannot do what they need when they need it.

I Cannot Fix This which goes to what I wrote above. This is a problem only our addict can fix. This concept was very hard for me to accept because I try to fix everything. No one is allowed in our addict’s mind except them. They are the only ones that can decide to do something about this. This will not end until they decide to end it. Parents trying to make that decision for them only results in failure and frustration.

My Addict Is A Liar  and Addicts will say anything to hide their addiction and take any action to mask the problem. I honestly believe at the time they do not even realize they are lying, they just say whatever they think YOU want to hear. I believe they have motives in this to seek approval and to give us pride. I believe addicts do not like themselves or what they are doing but at some point they can see no door out. Their only mechanism for survival is to seek some kind of approval through lying, even if they know they will be busted. I believe it offers a similar instant gratification as drugs. I think even a smile of approval from a loved one shoots off those chemicals in the brain that gives them a different high, even if it lasts only a couple seconds. When my addict tells me he is not using I really don’t hear it. Because this is what I know,  “My eyes can hear much better than my ears.” Just as we seek evidence of their using, we must seek evidence of their NOT using. Do not rely on faith that they are not using because they told you.
PARENT don't Be a Fool!

Addicts are Criminals and Symptoms of this disease include illegal behavior. That is why they go to jail. Face up to it, Mom and Dad. He has done things wrong and he must pay the price, as they say, his debt to society. It does no good to bad mouth the police, the judge, the jail, the lawyers they did not put him there. He put himself there. When we see others on TV and in jail we think about how much they deserve to be there but then we say, our babies aren’t like them. We can justify and separate the wrongs of misdemeanor and felony but those are legal terms. The long and short of it? My addict has done things that got him put in there and he must pay. PARENTS, let them be accountable!

Others Don’t Want Them Around and that's OK.  He has hurt and wronged many people. We are the parents, it’s called unconditional love. It is not wrong for friends, brothers, sisters, grandparents, relatives to have their own feelings and pain about this situation or about our addict. Some families just get by and no one abandons the addict, some people decide tough love is the way to help the addict, and others continue to deny the facts until the addict is dead!  We all get to make the choice and we as parents have to live with our own choices!

Life Will Never Be The Same is a hard reality! At 5 years old my son thought he was Super Hero. Running around the house throwing a football and believing he was going to be the next NFL all star! When we look at our addicts we see that 5 year old and mourn the loss and try anything we can to get them back. My addict is now a 35-year-old man. He is every bit an adult with at times a child’s maturity. But our world recognizes chronological ages, not maturity levels. Parents must do that too. I believe that super hero is lost inside of him. Those that are lost sometimes find their way back, but some do not. I can grieve this loss but it will not help him or us to move forward. An addict does not live in the past or the future. I've learned an addict lives in the HERE AND NOW and if I want to help him, I must live in the same world he does.

Homelessness May Be The Path He Chooses and the not knowing is the hardest!
When you drive thru the city you see homeless people with signs and some of them living under the bridges. They are dirty and hungry. They very likely are addicts, alcoholics or suffer from a mental illness. The one common denominator for all of these men and women living alone and homeless is that at some point in their life they had people that loved them. They are sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, cousins, and friends to someone. That doesn’t change their situation. They made choices that got them to this point. They can make other choices, and there are people and organizations to help them change. The key is, they must make the decisions. My son made the decision to live this way, it hurt me terribly and if your son or daughter chooses this, he or she will do this until it is time for them to change; YOU cannot change him or her or those circumstances. It will not help them for YOU to give him a bed in your home if he continues to live the lifestyle.

Why is This Important? I struggled with all that I am against these truths, fought with every ounce of my strength. I lost the fight. I had to accept what I wished was not true. If you get nothing else from my journey, get this!  Until you understand the truth you cannot find peace within yourself or really be able to help your addict. Accepting the truth is what allows you to help your addict by helping yourself.

I do not hate my son for using drugs and putting all of us through this pain. I Hate the DRUG. I Hate the lying, I HATE the stealing, I HATE the lifestyle. Enabling your addict doe not say I LOVE YOU, the same way Tough Love does not say You don't!

I love my son to "the moon and back" but I hate the Drug and the person it makes him!  It is perfectly okay to separate the two.  My love for my son is forever and nothing changes that, but when my son, the addict is using, he is not my son - he becomes the DRUG and the DRUG my friends has no place in my house, in my life or in the lives of the people I love!

Today my son the addict is sober and he puts one foot in front of the other, One day at a time!  Both he and I will continue to share our story!  He is home after 17 years to be near his family and we ask for your continued prayers!  This is another chapter in his continued journey of Sobriety. We will stand together, light our torch and join our brothers and sisters in Washington D.C in UNITE TO FACE ADDICTION as they continue to spread the word and daily WE continue to bow our heads in prayer! Thank you Father God for answering my prayers! TODAY, I have my son back!

                                         By Addict's Mom - June Amaral

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Deliverable June Amaral: junannamaral@gmail.com