You almost wake up and get this haunting feeling, this horrible
feeling that my God, I just wish I wouldn't wake up today! Not that I
would ever take my life but you're just so scared. Petrified, really,
but not for myself. For YOUR child! It's like having someone punch you in
the stomach. ... You're never the same from the second you find out.
I got asked several times yesterday, How does the mother of an addict cope? How does she juggle the challenge between supporting a loved one and not enabling their habit? And how does she deal with the stigma of having a child who is an addict?
Let me make this perfectly clear, that being the mother of an addict is an incredibly lonely and isolating place, and that often the only people who understand what I'm going through are other mothers who are going through it themselves.
The fear of getting the call, that's the worst! The call that says, Your son's dead! When you really start to understand that it is a disease ... you can start looking at your child in a different way, loving them for who they are and hating the disease. Sadly, the stigma of having a child with addiction is all too real and incredibly painful. Announce to your community your child has a disease like cancer and people will jump to help. Not so when you tell them your child is an addict.
"There are no little girls selling cookies for addiction. Nobody has bumper stickers on their car. IT'S AN intense struggle between supporting YOUR addicted child and not enabling their destructive habit AND IT'S the hardest thing in the entire world! IT TOOK AWHILE FOR IT TO SINK IN that I was last person in the world who could ever help my son!
As far as enabling, I think you need to lay it on the table for them. This is what you can do. Here are your options but I'm not going to sit here and let you take advantage of me and lie to me. Eventually I realized the longer I enabled my son, the longer he wasn't going to face the consequences. It took the line in the sand, telling him I love him and if he was ever ready to get the help and really wanted it that I'm here for him! But the enabling isn't just about the addicts. Parents need to realize they are enabling themselves and are risking losing everything by thinking they can save their children.
There are moms losing their lives to save their children. ... They're spending their whole paycheck trying to take care of their child. They're not taking care of themselves. That's just a ripple effect. I have gone through the range of emotions that most mothers of addicts experience: the guilt followed by the intense sadness and then the anger. It's just a very, very sad and a very lonely place!
Then the day came when "I said, you know, God, if my son is going to be living this life and be destroyed by this, I'm going to tell every mother and help every mother I can think of. I'm not going to keep it a secret. I know what I am and I know who I am and I know there have to be a million mothers just like me who are addicts' moms". I understand the parent's pain and for me if I can help one parent ease that pain, then I've done something. It definitely was a life-changing experience to start talking about it and getting educated about "the drug".
There's lots of treatment out there if your rich and can afford it. If not, it's called jail! We are seeing an alarming rate of death in our society. We have to break the stigma. It's a disease! Addicts are not bad people. We have to get the word out. Raising awareness and helping other mothers helps me stay focused.
Thank you, all of you for continuing to walk beside me and the outpouring of love and support! Every text message, phone call and comment has truly touched my heart! For your continued prayers and blessings, on behalf of my family, thank you and love you all!
By Addict's Mom - Junann Smith
COPYRIGHT ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 2016
Duplications and Publish requests must be in writing.
Deliverable June Amaral: junannamaral@gmail.com
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