Another Victory

Its dark, its cold, its uncomfortable! Today I have left the corner where Ive been tucked in for weeks. My strength has subsided to the beast. After days of emotions running like wild fire through my mind with no shelf to put them on or a place they can be stored, I just want them to go away I just want them ignored. Day after day the beast growls and snarls swiping one claw and then another banging his head against the very bars that restrain him, he sings a fine fine tune. “Where is your God now? He asks, you have begged day in and day out you have fallen to your knees, crying out,? He will not help beings you’re here with me, I'm much better for you cant you see, not let me out and you will live gloriously.” My heart pounds and pounds I say your right I should’ve never locked you up, as my mind battles itself internally my feet move two steps closer and one step back. I reach for the key and the beast grabs a hold of me he holds me close squeezing me tighter and tighter he whispers in my ear, I am the light for you, I can make it all go away, I can make sure you never feel like this again. Worthless, selfless, and full of guilt, shame on you shame on you isn’t that how it feels.  I kick with what strength I actually have forgetting  the battle that has to be won. He kisses my cheek and says , Now there there give me the key so I can go up the stairs. He lets me go I fall straight to me knees, I haven’t slept in days and my stomachs in all knots he screams and snarls and swipes at my face, staring deep in his eyes, I see a light its called grace. The demon collapses and falls fast asleep, My God you have come no wait where’d you go. The room is still dark but there is light at the top of the stairs, I will get there I swear, I grab and claw my way to the bottom step being as quiet as I can so the beast doesn’t awaken . He tosses he turns he snarls and moans but he is still not awake . I hear a voice of a child calling, coach, coach Sean…. I open my mouth to call out,but nothing.  coach we need you, come on….. it goes quiet and I realize that if not for my own worth then for them. I can carry guilt and shame  all I want by  myself, I can carry the loads that I choose to carry around, its not healthy , but I can do it. But to carry those loads and allow them to affect other peoples lives isn’t fair/ It isn’t fair for someone else to have to deal with the consequences of my own actions. I chose to carry that stuff not them. If I cant be the best me for them, then who am I really. The kids don’t need the weight and you know what neither do I! So as I carefully and quietly crawl up the stairs my voice gets louder  and  so does theirs! I remember I said leave the baggage where it sits don’t pick it up cause it gets heavy too quick. As for my God, he is there I know for a fact, I wouldn’t be getting out of this room all in tact. So ill continue to pray down on my knees 

'GOD DO WITH ME, DO WITH ME AS YOU PLEASE!"



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Deliverable Sean A. Blair: reblesforchrist@gmail.com