HOPE - The Heart of Christmas

 

                      A Memoir From Christmas 2012 - The Addict's Mom

 

My memories of Christmas for 15 plus years is "A child, a child, stolen from my life.  Do you hear what I hear?"

A very silent night. Do you know what I know?

My son drags around his addiction like  chains, but only he can turn things right.

I'm an addict's mom and it's another Christmas! ‘Tis the season to be jolly, and I’m trying, but while roasting chestnuts and jingling bells, I grieve for my son and his very tortured life. The joy of the season and the pain in my heart are like a tangle of tinsel, or competing garlands of flashing lights. This year, yet again, my youngest daughter will be home for Christmas, but her brother will not.

My son's stocking is no longer hung by the chimney with care, and none of the wrapped presents tucked under the tree are for him. Long gone are the days of toy trains and blocks, jammies and robes, designer clothes and gift cards. Long gone are the days of giving gifts safe for an addict―gifts my son couldn’t sell for cash, or fall off of while drunk, or cut himself on while high. Gone, even, are the days of giving a gift certificate for addicts know how to turn a gift certificate into cash for their next high.

The last time my son was in rehab, I collected photos of the people and places he loved more than anything in the world (well, until he loved the things that fed his addiction even more). Happy memories, warm memories, I carefully placed them into a shoe box and carefully wrapped the box in any Miami Dolphin's Christmas wrapping paper I could find, hoping my gift would touch God's heart as he heard my prayer day after day. I was hoping this would be the Christmas, God would pull him back. But, before I could put my Christmas gift under the tree, another phone call or news of my son would shake my reality that another Christmas would pass and his carefully wrapped gift full of memories would one more year represent his turning his back, yet again, on the help and the hope and on a family who loved him! The carefully wrapped box would sit on a closet shelf collecting dust one more year!

Sadly, visions of sugar plums and those childhood memories were no longer what danced in my son's head. On Christmas, he will be far away. My heart breaks just a little bit more just thinking of this. But Mandi, my youngest child will be there and maybe my oldest son; and eventually years passed and the grandkids were home. We will tear wrapping paper and toss bows and eat too many cookies, toss dinner rolls and watch movies and play games―we will be making new memories, and those gifts of time are the ones that really mattered. I don’t get to make new memories with my middle son, though. The memories I have of him, of us, are old and dusty like the Christmas gift abandoned on the shelf.

All I ever wanted for Christmas was my son back from the "drug" who stole him, but that’s not a gift I expected to find under the tree year after year. Instead, I tried to wrap myself up in the peace of the season. Instead, I tried to disguise the pain that threatened to consume my life!  I hid in a bottle, In my work, behind a smile, I denied myself happiness! I became the phony, the broken person behind a fake smile!

Christmas became a day stuffed with unspoken disappointment, anger and fear rather than too much pie and good cheer. We all waited for the phone call to let us know that this Christmas day the son, the grandchild, the brother and eventually the father , was alive and made it to one more Christmas. Some years I had a good working number to try and call and other Christmas's I had none.

 

Retreating to different parts of the house, we all avoided the sadness and phony smiles until our traditions forced us to sit down at the table across from my son's very empty chair. We never forgot the reason for the season, but our hearts ached for the boy who no longer sat at Christmas dinner!

 

For parents living in the place where love and addiction meet—a place where help enables and hope hurts. For parents trying to figure out the difference between helping their child to live and helping him to die. For parents grieving the loss of a child who is still alive. For parents needing to find a recovery of their own, every day we hold on to the "hope" of Christmas!

For too many people, stigma and shame have them suffering in silence. When addiction grabs a child, it chokes a parent. I know the life-draining squeeze of its grip. I’ve never felt so incapable and

helpless, so sad, so lonely. Such fear. My child has been stolen

from me—stolen from himself—and I mourn his loss and suffering

from a very lonely place.

 

My baby grew up to be an addict. There was a time when I believed

a mother’s love could fix anything, but it can’t fix this. So, there’s a

gaping hole in my life where my son should have been. Falling in

the hole or filling it up were my only options, so I had to take steps

to fill it or let myself drown in it!

 

I choose to honor my son with my words and my actions―not the addict and not the drug! This doesn’t mean I didn’t care. Or that I didn’t hurt. Or didn't cry. It just means I had to fill the hole in my life where my son should be with goodness, not badness. Kindness, not madness.

I’m not ashamed of my son; I’m sad for him. And, I learned not to be ashamed to be the mother of an addict. Instead, I was ashamed of me, for letting my family down, the people who needed me!  I could help them, I couldn't help my son!  So I decided on one cold blustery Christmas day, I will no longer behave as though addiction is a dark secret and I’m not going to live like a cockroach hiding under a rock.  My son the addict wouldn't care, but my son would!

I want to be open and honest about what addiction has done to my son and to our family, hopefully helping some people along the way. Like my son, I have choices. And I choose to live life.

I didn't know where he had his last Holiday dinner. Or if he had one at all!   I didn't know if he was spending Christmas outside in the cold or if he had a warm bed to sleep in! I didn't know if it was true he was sober or he had a needle hanging out of his arm. Many times I didn't know if that Christmas Day, like so many other days if he was dead or alive! I had to adjust to the Holidays the way it was and stop wishing for the way it should be, but time never took away the hurt — or the hole where my son should be. Instead, over time, I grew stronger. I became strong enough to face the hurt rather than stuff it away.  So many times I wished I could close my eyes never to awake again to this emptiness and fear!

 

In my darkest hours, my weakest moments God gave me a glimpse of my son!  A phone call to allow me to say I love you son!  A phone call that says even if for one brief moment, I'm ok mom and I miss you!  These brief phone calls let me live each time one more day!  Each time they gave me moments of  HOPE! Yes, they were brief moments but eventually I became strong enough to fill the hole with things that made the day better, not worse. That means facing reality, not trying to re-create what can’t be re-created, starting new traditions, and spending quality time with some happy old memories and the family who needs you! 

This Christmas I spent it with my son - he is SOBER!  That's all every addicts mom wants for Christmas!  And this Christmas my prayers have been answered!  I can't predict the future, but this Christmas, my son is SOBER, in a warm bed, with a roof over his head, eating Christmas dinner, and laughing and laughing and laughing! We are making new memories this Christmas and that old wrapped box that made it under my tree year after year of yesterday?  I pulled it from the shelf and cried because not only did it hold memories for my son, it represented years of addiction and loneliness, Guilt and Fear, Loss and Tears, and my little boy who grew up to be an addict. I threw it away this Christmas, because it represents the past and we spent this holiday in TODAY representatives of Love and Hope, and thankful for each day of SOBRIETY! 

This Christmas we fall on our knees, with outstretched arms and Thank our God for his blessings as we celebrate the birth of Jesus, the reason for the season!  I’m thankful for that. And I’m thankful that my son is alive.

May your Christmas be filled with Hope!

 

                                             By Addict's Mom - June Amaral

COPYRIGHT ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 2015

Duplications and Publish requests must be in writing.

Deliverable June Amaral: junannamaral@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hopelessness at Christmas ???

A Memoir From Christmas 2011

Todays the day, the day I again am overwhelmed with shame, guilt, hopelessness, and pain. As previous days I ask for you to hold me, to love me, today your power just isn’t enough. Today I sit wrapped in your arms angry, sad, and limp to the world. I kick you, I scream at you, I punch and I hit. Today is the day I end everything. Christmas after Christmas holiday after holiday all hope disintegrates into a pool of darkness. A giant Black hole I sit suffering in the corner of my own  

destiny. I continue to use you more and more in hopes that this time on this day you finally relieve me of this place. This will be the day everyone will be sorry for letting me sit alone. Today is a day no one will ever forget. A Christmas that I will be loved, this is going to be my best Christmas ever, as my family will finally love and remember me for years to come. Today its all over, the loneliness, the sorrow, the anger, the hate, the rejection, the hopelessness, the depression, the death of my soul will finally be free. I will no longer be trapped in the regret, resentment, and shame. Today I sit with you demon, Glock in hand waiting for you to pull the trigger. Save me from you, save me from this pitch black room I ve been trapped in all day, all week, year after year. I've scratched to find the door I've clawed to find the bottom step to the stairs out of here, yet there are no stairs, there is no way out. Demon help me sleep so I can be loved again, help me sleep so I can FINALLY BE WITH THIOSE I LOVE AGAIN. My hand I raise to stare at the dark metallic circle that holds my future. I close my eyes and when I begin to pull back on what holds my fate, I see a white dot on the back of my eye lids. In the darkness of my dungeon at the darkest time in my life just when I think its finally done, a small speck of light. Click, jammed! Tears fall from my face and then the call,

 “Hello”, “Hi Honey, Just wanted to say Merry Christmas”, “ I hope your doing ok…..” “When your ready we are waiting”  Just moments ago I gave you the pistol and allowed you to determine my fate. Even though I have been shackled to this floor for so long and now I am convinced Im all alone, Im awakened with a light I didn’t even know was God. A light he shined into one of the darkest points in my life.

You see this Holiday Season is still difficult for me, while it is the first time Im home with my family in as long as I can remember, I still carry an emptiness in my heart that only my children can fill. While they are there and I am here Ive learned that through the power of Jesus I will be a better me. When Im ready and in his perfect timing I will never spend another Christmas without them. Today I hold HOPE without you demon. Today I stand still and know that he is God. Today I am loved, Today I am Free. Today god heals me again, because I have given my heart to him. I am found, forgiven, and redeemed in him. I ask you to close your eyes and see the pinpoint white dot on the back of your eyelids. That’s him, he stands before you, beside you, and behind you always crying for a relationship with you. Your not alone this holiday season, he is right beside you, waiting for you to ask for his help, his strength. He longs for you to believe in his glory, in his mighty hand that can release you from the shackles of your demon. He can lock him up, he can defeat what you can’t.

Today I ask you to find him. Today I ask you to pick up a phone call your family, walk into a hospital, call the police department! Today enough is enough, Today see that light he has shined and ask for help! Its ok! Believe me when I proclaim to you with all that I am, YOU ARE LOVED! AND YOU DO MATTER! I pray with all that I am you see the light of Christmas today, this world needs you! You are special and you have purpose! From one addict to another,  its not easy, but, its worth it! I know your struggle, I know your demon! I BELIEVE IN YOU! I LOVE YOU

Ephesians 5:8,14 speaks  “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the lord. LIVE AS CHILDREN OF LIGHT…” “Wake up sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” There is Light in Darkness!  Merry Christmas, from my heart to yours!    

                                                                       By:  Sean A. Blair

COPYRIGHT ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 2015

Duplications and Publish requests must be in writing.

Deliverable Sean A. Blair: reblesforchrist@gmail.com

My Son - Fight like a Warrior!

After a sleepless night, I woke this morning like many of mornings,with you on my heart, Sean Blair!

I have a great CHRISTIAN MENTOR who made me do some thinking this morning as we spoke about different men in my life today. Here's my thoughts for you today:
The virtue of strength is determined by how it’s used. If it’s used to love and to protect, it’s GOOD! Unfortunately, it can also be used to inflict harm, and that’s not consistent with what we see of God’s character in the Bible. He calls us to FIGHT for what’s right. And a warrior is only as worthy as his cause.

A man without a cause from God is often just an angry man who doesn’t know where to direct his pent-up energy and aggression. A man without a cause seeks excuses for his behavior. A man without a cause is arrogant and can't see himself clearly. It's the MAN with a cause who becomes a WARRIOR with a cause from God who directs that warlike energy for a cause greater than himself.

SEAN, God created you with the heart of a warrior. It's been said that Until there’s something you’re willing to die for, you can’t truly live. You were created to fight for righteousness.

Until you tap into that divine cause, you’ll be bored, destructive, and frustrated. Find something more. I thank God I get to live my divine cause. I honestly believe in my heart that my calling is to give myself, my heart and my love to mentoring others to believe in GOD and to believe in themselves.

You and I talked about this - the most important war: the end of the world as we know it and how it will affect the unbelievers. The war between heaven and hell. The kingdom of God versus the kingdom of darkness. Draw your sword and get on the front lines.
Fight like a man of God. It starts with family Sean, and it bleeds into everything you will do and everything you will be! I have heard from my girls often that their fathers were hardly role models, let alone Men of GOD. Many men in my life have used the same excuse, but that's the thing. it's just that AN EXCUSE for poor behavior. Instead of Fighting to be a different man, a different father, grandfather etc., they excuse their bad behavior, become arrogant or play the "woe" is me card! THEY are destined to repeat the sins of their fathers, instead of changing that history by becoming the best Dad, best husband, best grandfather and great role model for the next generation of young people.

What you really want is not to be some guy who looks strong on the outside, but a man who can stand strong because he spends time on his knees every day before God.” Don't miss this point -

A man isn’t the arrogant selfish guy who wins tough-guy fights, and blames everyone else for his poor behavior, but the man who knows his weaknesses and fights in God’s strength. He won’t be perfect. But God will be perfecting him.

Every guy wants to be strong. Maybe you’d like to make the cover of Men’s Health or something, a cocky little half-smile on your face, flexing your massive biceps as you slightly lift your tight V-neck shirt to reveal your ripped abs underneath.

That’s what many men think they want. But guys who invest their lives only in physical strength don’t advance God’s kingdom in the world — at least not that way. Men who are strong, men who are world-changers, men who are truly warriors are men who can admit their limitations. Their not victims, they love their families above anything else!

I want to redefine the way you think about what it means to be a warrior. It’s not about cockiness and attitude; it’s not about six-pack abs and picking fights; it’s not about succeeding in life and winning everyone’s admiration or envy. Being a true warrior is about knowing the source of true strength. It’s about knowing your weaknesses and turning to God to empower you to be the man He made you to be.

You’re already in a fight. Your spiritual enemy wants to take you out. He’s a master at making strong men weak. Sometimes he does that by making us comfortable, secure, and safe. Sometimes he lies to us, tempts us, makes us selfish and miserable to others. Sometimes he lures us into thinking there's something better for us, when in reality we already have the best. Is that really how you want to live? Though Satan makes strong men weak, God is in the business of making weak men strong.

And God has a unique way of awakening the dormant warrior within to fight one battle that prepares us to fight and win an even bigger one. Not only does God want you to fight, he wants to give you a cause greater than yourself, because it's not about you! It's about God and loving others! Then, once you love something enough that you’re willing to die for it, you’ll be set free to live. Fight for a cause greater than yourself. It’s in you.

You know it’s there. You can feel it. You have the heart of a warrior. FIGHT SEAN - be the example!

 I love you with all that I am!

By Addict's Mom - June Amaral

COPYRIGHT ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 2015

Duplications and Publish requests must be in writing.

Deliverable June Amaral: junannamaral@gmail.com

Another Battle

Sometimes I’m trapped in a room by myself and can’t figure a way out, I hear knocking on the walls and light seducing whispers in the dark.

As I stand in thought scared of the dark searching for answers the knock gets louder and the walls start closing. The whisper becomes a solid voice “come this way”.

As my world gets smaller with one more bitching line from my surroundings, the insecurities I said good bye to just moments ago come flushing back into the room. The frustration and anger steadily linger heavily in the air like a dense fog, so dark its as if the lights are out.

Your voice is a yell “I TOLD YOU OVER HERE!” The knock is a bang, my throat begins to close as if being suffocated or choked by my life around me. The Mansion I worked so hard to be build starts to crumble around. I kneel down in my safe room where no one gets in. I built it to withstand the strongest most intense of all situations. I lay down in tears trapped as the walls get closer, the banging louder and screams intently in my face.

I think who let you out, why are you here? You were chained you were shackled, you were buried. “Over here, over here, over here,” over and over and over I hear the voice, “I love you , let me hold you, pain is nothing with me,” you slip and rather than that beautiful voice in full seduction, I hear the underlying snarl that lurks deep in your throat. I curl into the fetal position battered and bruised from fighting you the day before. The battle was intense knocked down again and again by your giant arms and gnarly claws. I feel like I cant go one more second, I try to get to my feet and I fall, Im exhausted.

Your outside force batters me with negativity, accusations, and assumptions. Your best friend has taken my patience, my love, my hard work, and continues to take apart my mansion from the outside walls, while you and I live in constant battle. It was your best friend who let you out by weakening the structure I have built.

 I should’ve listened but I didn’t. I built my mansion on soft foundation! I thought dirt would be fine, forgetting that rain turns to mud everything begins to subside. It rains here more often than not and the ground stays muddy.

I cry out, I hear " over here,"  I cry out, I hear " over here," I look at the clock and its only 9am, it feels like I ve been stuck since forever again.

I hear the fight as the walls begin to press against my body, my sword and my shield sitting right beside me. I pick it up and it reads “Because you are my help I sing in the shadow of your wings. I cling to you and your right hand upholds me.”(Psalm 63:7-8)

The fog dissipates, the room grows larger, the sun shines in! I hear your hands and feet kicking and screaming as your dragged through the hall and down the stairs. I run after you and with my strong hand shackle and chain you to the floor. Not once, twice, or three times but four, I stare deep in yours eyes and take a swipe with my sword “Those who want to kill me will be destroyed; they will go down to the depths of the earth. They will be given over to the sword and become food for jackals.” (Psalm 63:9-10)

Today the battle is over for only as long as you sleep. Today I rebuild my mansion on a rock, “The lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." (Psalm 18:2)  Tomorrow we shall battle again demon, but TODAY!, TODAY I REMAIN VICTORIOUS!!!

By: Sean A. Blair

COPYRIGHT ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 2015

Duplications and Publish requests must be in writing.

Deliverable Sean A. Blair: reblesforchrist@gmail.com

The Drug - My Son's Enemy

My name is June and I am the "addict's mom!  

The journey of recovery begins with one foot in front of the other, one day at a time and the journey of recovery is not just for the addict but also for the addict's family.

"The Drug" – My son’s enemy

For the record, you were never my son’s friend, YOU ARE NEVER anyone’s friend and from the depth of my soul and every ounce of my being, I HATE YOU!  I have always HATED YOU and I WILL always HATE YOU.

YOU claimed to be my son’s friend at a young age.  You promised him laughter and fun.  YOU promised him that he would be “the cool kid” at school!  Soon, YOU became the most important thing in his life.  YOU tricked him into thinking he was popular and that the people surrounding him were his friends too.  But YOU were lying to all of them! YOU just kept sucking in kids with empty promises.  Promises that sucked the life out of them.

It wasn’t enough for YOU, that he became dependent on your friendship.  YOU soon took on different forms, more expensive ones; One day YOU were a cigarette, the next YOU were a needle.  I can’t even imagine in my wildest dreams all of the things my son did for you, but YOU already know all the horrible things, YOU know why he hates you and I hate YOU for all the hurt you caused him.

But I’m a mother – and when YOU were pretending to be my son’s friends all those years, I was dieing inside each day.  YOU robbed me of my little boy, YOU robbed me of the chance to enjoy his teenage years and watch him grow from a boy into a man.  Instead, I spent my time fighting YOU and fighting for him.  At times, I became so consumed with my hatred for YOU, it affected everything I did….my job, my friends, my daughter, everyday life!  YOU made me believe, I was a terrible mother and that I was unworthy of his love.  YOU made me blame myself day after day, until it consumed who I was. 

YOU made HIM a thief and a liar, a con artist, a master of deception, angry, sarcastic, arrogant, and sneaky.  YOU had him in and out of school, in and out of jail, in and out of rehab, in and out of half way houses, and in and out of addiction, all the time giving me hope, but each time YOU yanked it away. Over and over again, YOU slowly killed my heart and my son!

YOU made me half to protect myself and my family from YOU!  Do you know what it’s like to guard yourself every moment of every day because your afraid of whats going to happen to him, afraid for your daughter and yourself, afraid to go home, JUST AFRAID all the time!  Then you con me again, and not trusting him, I slowly let him back in for brief periods, even though I don’t trust him. Then I begin to feel guilty, because I don’t trust him and slightly let my guard down.  I lock up info, I count the pictures on the wall, I sleep with my purse under my pillow, but he always finds something to steal from me or the people I love!  Again, my fault, because I wanted so hard to believe that maybe this time, it was real.  Maybe this time, he got smart and got rid of YOU!  But no, it never happens.  And I continue to repeat this cycle for years to come, as he lies, cheats and steals from everyone I love.  I vow over and over again, not to make the mistake again.

But then, YOU-THE DRUG!  YOU know what you do!  YOU bank on me making that same mistake over and over, because YOU know how much I love my son and YOU use that to get what YOU want!  Because YOU are the LIAR and THE CON.  YOU will stop at nothing – YOU prey on my love for him and decide having him isn’t enough, YOU WANT US TOO!  Now you tempt my daughter, tell her the same lies about how you can make her sadness go away, make her popular, and happy!  She HAS TO leave places early, make choices to walk away from friends, and feel like she has to protect her mom.  YOU made her grow up way to early!  I on the other hand wasn’t as strong as her.  I felt like I failed this boy (my son).  I carried the guilt he should have been feeling for all the terrible things he did, and tried to make it better for all the other people he hurt.  I Paid people back money I didn’t have, I apologized repeatedly for his actions, and I faced all these people every day, embarrassed, hurt and ultimately broken.  Soon, I couldn’t keep up the pretense.  My social time became consumed with talking about YOU, his addiction. A few weeks of awful depression AND TOTAL DESPAIR, I LET YOU almost take my life thru alcohol!  It numbed the pain, and for brief moments I thought being dead was better!  I wondered if this would be Sean’s “bottom”, and he would come back to a family who loved him!  It wasn’t his bottom, but it was the real beginning for me to realize that YOU were not going to take me down too!  YOU the DRUG, just continued on and at another lowest point in my life, Sean instead of hitting his bottom when he almost lost his mother, stole from me instead.

FOR the next several years, YOU the drug, his only true friend, would take him down many roads of self destruction and eventually take his life.  You had already taken ours……YOU took my son, my precious little boy, YOU robbed me of him, YOU robbed him from having his family.  YOU robbed me of having his children in my life and YOU robbed him of being a dad.  But this list goes on and on. 

I had to step away from my little boy.  YOU forced me to lock him out of our family for our protection.  Who knew when the next addict on my doorstep wouldn’t come with a gun, rape my daughter, or kill us for the drug money!  YOU made me lock him up over and over, YOU made me commit him, YOU made me do so many tough love things; things no mother should ever have to do to the little boy she loves.

YOU made me try and prepare for that phone call no mother wants to receive.

You know, the one that says, “I’m sorry – your son is dead.”  I prepared for my little boys funeral over and over in my head.  I composed a eulogy that I would say while standing next to his lifeless skeleton drug filled body.  It was an angry eulogy directed at YOU, the drug that killed my son!  Whenever the words would come to the surface, I would sit and cry for hours in the small little corner of my bedroom!

I want you to know the devastation you have caused to family and other families around me. But YOU the drug are beyond caring, all you see is the money you have made,
or perhaps you don't have a conscience at all.  YOU inflict misery and pain to millions of innocent people, people you don't know, the unheard cry of agony. Ordinary families trying to get by and do the best for their children, Sons or daughters that you don't care about, Lives destroyed at your hands. Kids that you deliberately set out to get hooked on drugs.
When you're a parent and have children you want the best for them, you want them to grow up to be happy, independent, and make their way in the world, to be honest and hard working. What you can't protect them from is the outside world, Monsters like YOU, The Drug, who roam free to destroy lives.
I looked on helplessly as I watched the child I brought into the world change in front of my eyes, and all I could see was death looking back at me, and there's nothing I could do. Believe me I tried; I put myself into situations to pull my son out, more times than I could count in bad neighborhoods, surrounded by dealers and other addicts! An angel must have been on my shoulder to keep me safe, but then I just had to sit and watch my son's personality change from a bright, caring and loving person, a person who had a future into something and someone that I didn't  recognize anymore.
As my family was being destroyed by a Monster like you, YOU also were after yet another young person and got them hooked on the filth that you make a profit from. I silently screamed inside as I watched the child that I raised,  doing things that I never dreamed was possible in order to pay YOU the devil for his next hit, his next fix, a dirty needle!  As families of addicts YOU make us watch helplessly as the cycle begins all over again the following day and you are dragged into a world you didn't know existed.  All I could ever do was pray to God every day that possibly I would see some change in my son's life, but it never happened because YOU the Drug, had drawn him in a world of evil.
Yes, I learned to live in fear, as I watched the child that I brought into this world
jump as the phone rang and you know that he owes money, and the cycle of evil continues and there's nothing you can do. You're a Monster and there's many forms of YOU out there, and YOU may feel that nothing can touch you, but trust me when I say that your time will come, where justice will prevail. 

If it's not in this world it will definitely be in the next, and there will be no rock for an animal that sells or the substance like you to hide. What comes around goes around, and for every bit of misery that YOU have caused to innocent and vulnerable kids out there, along with my son, it will fall back on you a million times over.  

YOU the DRUG, LISTEN UP! It's finally time for a change. Putting your hand on that noose tied around the neck of my boy so that he would hang from that jail cell is OVER! YOU tried to send him to hell, but what YOU didn't count on, is God our Father saw the living hell he had suffered for almost 20 years and our GOD pulled him back!  

So YOU, THE DRUG, get out of our way! GOD has given us a voice!  GOD continues to make us stronger and smarter as he works in our lives to heal both of us.  We travel different journeys, but the one thing that we have in common is YOU and our hatred of everything you represent!  BEWARE, YOU THE DRUG - The addict and his mother are coming for you!

 

By Addict's Mom - June Amaral

COPYRIGHT ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 2015

Duplications and Publish requests must be in writing.

Deliverable June Amaral: junannamaral@gmail.com

My Best Friend

To my Best Friend:

              For the past seventeen years you and I grew up together. When I met you It was like love at first sight and we immediately started to fall in love. You held me in your arms and always told me it was going to be ok. You made me feel like I was invincible, I could and would conquer the world. No matter if it was morning, noon, or night I could always count on you making me feel better. Hour by hour days would go by and all the guilt would be gone, the shame just disappeared. You promised you would love me as I loved you! You promised you would always make me feel good and you would never leave my side. You said I could do whatever I wanted, I would be popular and well liked, I would be the greatest of all and nothing could stop me. Our intimacy was so real as we grew closer and closer together. The more and more we got involved the more dependent and reliant I become on you, your company, your comfort and your healing power. I did everything for you, I gave up my family, walked out on my kids, hurt the people I loved, I lied, I robbed, I cheated, and I stole All to be WITH YOU. I became what you wanted me to be. I was faithful to you and only you and as my guilt and hurt grew stronger your hugs and kisses were bigger. You lied to me Demon! You stared into my face for 17 years and lied to me, you said it was ok and it wasn’t! You didn’t take the guilt or shame away you numbed and masked it. You ran when I got locked up or arrested, and I had to suffer without you for days on end. You left me sick and hurting only to be waiting for me at the doors on release day.  You made me homeless without a warm PLACE TO SLEEP! POPULAR??? Yeah popular with the police department. You took my friends, my family, my hopes and my dreams, YOU ROBBED ME! Everything you have ever done for me was under false pretense. You took my happiness. In my own house hour by hour, day by day, year after year, you guided me down the staircase, where we reached the darkest coldest of all dungeons. We danced and danced and danced all night long, until you were done with me. You shackled me to the floor stared deep into my eyes with those big teeth ready to devour me whole. You strung me up in that cell where you would wait for the right opportunity to keep me locked in the dungeon for eternity. Waiting to feed on my soul as it breaks, your breathing gets heavier and heavier you begin to salivate. After years of being fed by my hate and injured soul, you, the beast in the dark prepares to devour me whole. You eat and eat and overtime, it had become your decision if my light would shine. Darkness upon dark you’ve continually chosen, deeper you pull me I HANG THERE IM FROZEN. You, demon slip and make a mistake, the spark you saw scared you and you stepped away. As you break I see a small glimpse of white, like wings of angels swooped in to bring darkness to light, my angel has come to lift me on high, and proclaim to the lord I don’t deserve to die.  I grab your hand to drag you outta the pit, you scream and yell and start to spit!

The magnitude of light given off by my God, devours you whole, you stand in shackles, not in reach of my soul. Demon I write this to say in all that your worthless, I have a new best friend now and he gives me purpose! It was you by yourself whom sent all the scares, but now it is me, my mom, and the spirit who stand at the top of the stairs. AS you’re shackled and chained, in arms reach, to the floors, never forget my armies bigger than yours!  

I will not rest until Ive devoured every one of them! cause GODS GOT MY BACK,  look out we’re comin for you DEMON!          

                                                   -Sean A. Blair

COPYRIGHT ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 2015

Duplications and Publish requests must be in writing.

Deliverable Sean A. Blair: reblesforchrist@gmail.com